My graduate misadventures run thus: So I was done my M.A. by my 23rd birthday, and going into a PhD program in English. I hoped to be done, and professing, by 26.
I'm 26 1/2 now and not in school. I couldn't keep it together and flunked my minor field/candidacy exam twice, and was asked to withdraw from the program. This ruined me for a long time.
Turns out, I had an incredibly severe case of sleep apnea that was impacting my memory, concentration, and other cognitive abilities. I had to have some surgery to get it taken care of. Most people don't take it seriously as a disease, particularly since it's easily treated once discovered, but I find myself now in the process of appealing to the Dean's office for reinstatement on medical grounds.
I don't know how it will go. The Department's grad director is supporting me, and I've managed to find a new dissertation committee, but all indications are that it's touch and go, and that even if I get back in it'll be "extremely unlikely" that they'll be able to fund me. This means a hard uphill slog for the rest of my degree, or else I won't get accepted back, and I'll have to apply elsewhere for September 2008 and start over. Meaning I've lost four years of my life to this nonsense, and a lot of confidence. I'm no longer current on my research/theories and haven't had to do anything remotely school-like in over a year.
How common is stuff like this? I have spent my entire life excelling only to find now that I've run up against a wall. Nothing comes easily or naturally anymore, and I'm scared to death that I've lost "it." I was among the youngest PhD students when last I was enrolled--now I find myself among the oldest, except for those who have gone off to have successful careers and then come back to finish 30-odd years later. I guess it may say something about me that I'm still trying to force my way through, but I just feel so disconnected and disillusioned from the whole process now.
Is this normal? Is this how academics all end up so cynical? I find it tough to believe that it's this hard for everyone. It'd just be nice to know, maybe, that it's not uncommon for delays, failures, rejection and misery to appear on the road to success. What have been your biggest obstacles in the past-- the ones you never thought you'd get past? And how did you overcome them?
I'm 26 1/2 now and not in school. I couldn't keep it together and flunked my minor field/candidacy exam twice, and was asked to withdraw from the program. This ruined me for a long time.
Turns out, I had an incredibly severe case of sleep apnea that was impacting my memory, concentration, and other cognitive abilities. I had to have some surgery to get it taken care of. Most people don't take it seriously as a disease, particularly since it's easily treated once discovered, but I find myself now in the process of appealing to the Dean's office for reinstatement on medical grounds.
I don't know how it will go. The Department's grad director is supporting me, and I've managed to find a new dissertation committee, but all indications are that it's touch and go, and that even if I get back in it'll be "extremely unlikely" that they'll be able to fund me. This means a hard uphill slog for the rest of my degree, or else I won't get accepted back, and I'll have to apply elsewhere for September 2008 and start over. Meaning I've lost four years of my life to this nonsense, and a lot of confidence. I'm no longer current on my research/theories and haven't had to do anything remotely school-like in over a year.
How common is stuff like this? I have spent my entire life excelling only to find now that I've run up against a wall. Nothing comes easily or naturally anymore, and I'm scared to death that I've lost "it." I was among the youngest PhD students when last I was enrolled--now I find myself among the oldest, except for those who have gone off to have successful careers and then come back to finish 30-odd years later. I guess it may say something about me that I'm still trying to force my way through, but I just feel so disconnected and disillusioned from the whole process now.
Is this normal? Is this how academics all end up so cynical? I find it tough to believe that it's this hard for everyone. It'd just be nice to know, maybe, that it's not uncommon for delays, failures, rejection and misery to appear on the road to success. What have been your biggest obstacles in the past-- the ones you never thought you'd get past? And how did you overcome them?
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Re: Taking "time off" the failure way
Tue, December 4, 2007 - 9:32 AMBah, you're not among the oldest. Not unless you're in some type of weird program. The average age of PhD students in this country is still in the late 20's to early 30's; that hasn't changed even with the influx of people going after their B.A.'s.
Now that I think about it, you MIGHT be, because the Humanities are terribly crowded with individuals who have heard "the only thing you can ever hope to do with a degree in English (or another Hu) is to get a PhD and pray you secure a teaching job". That sets up a sad precedent; recent stats tend to show that English professorships are amongst the most impossible to get, because the "cross value" that exists in the natural science (work for any R&D or science based company) or social sciences (go work for the government or private Fortune 500 companies) doesn't necessarily show in the Humanities.
I'm working on my MA in Sociology (at 33) after a hiatus from school, and I expect to finish my PhD at 37; check the sites, that is STILL considered a rather young professor! Truth is, schools are extremely nervous about hiring 25 yo PhDs as professors because of a lack of "life experience", which you will most assuredly have.
You're not screwed. I think all will be well.
But you do raise a point that annoys me to no end; I hate that graduate credits, nationwide are NOT as transferrable as undergrad. I could complete 90 creds at my undergrad schools and transfer them anywhere. But for grad...9? And some schools (like Hopkins School of Public Health) none? It seems to me that for a, say 30 credit degree program, 15 or 18 would be acceptable, and that'd be acceptable for a 42 credit program, in my humble opinion. But hey, what power do I have. I'm just a 30-something grad student. I just say it makes no sense...
