.....or do my friends resent the fact that I am in graduate school?
Hi there. I'm brand-spanking-new to this tribe, and looking for some people to commiserate with/whine to. I'm about to start my 4th year in a Ph.D. program in Literature. Done with coursework. Taking my qualifying exams in December. Writing like crazy right now. Writing, writing, writing.
My friends just don't get it--and don't want to. And it's really starting to get to me.
I have an ecclectic group of friends, many of whom did not finish undergraduate school, some of whom did not finish high school. When they find out what I do, they clam up completely. For a while (okay the last three years) I've attempted to relate to my friends in ways other than school. But I am at a point where graduate school and my writing are completely consuming me (in a good way, i swear).
Things I hear often:
"F*&@ graduate school, why don't you just quit already so you can come out and play?"
"Why would anyone want to go to school for that long?"
"School is for slaves who need somebody else to validate their identites."
"College doesn't do anything but make you permanently anxious and in debt."
Huh?!
I am an awesome friend that respects and supports everything my friends do--if it's what is going to make them happy. So, what the hell?! Does anybody else get this from their friends? Have you in the past? What did you do about it?
Hi there. I'm brand-spanking-new to this tribe, and looking for some people to commiserate with/whine to. I'm about to start my 4th year in a Ph.D. program in Literature. Done with coursework. Taking my qualifying exams in December. Writing like crazy right now. Writing, writing, writing.
My friends just don't get it--and don't want to. And it's really starting to get to me.
I have an ecclectic group of friends, many of whom did not finish undergraduate school, some of whom did not finish high school. When they find out what I do, they clam up completely. For a while (okay the last three years) I've attempted to relate to my friends in ways other than school. But I am at a point where graduate school and my writing are completely consuming me (in a good way, i swear).
Things I hear often:
"F*&@ graduate school, why don't you just quit already so you can come out and play?"
"Why would anyone want to go to school for that long?"
"School is for slaves who need somebody else to validate their identites."
"College doesn't do anything but make you permanently anxious and in debt."
Huh?!
I am an awesome friend that respects and supports everything my friends do--if it's what is going to make them happy. So, what the hell?! Does anybody else get this from their friends? Have you in the past? What did you do about it?
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Re: is it just me....
Wed, September 26, 2007 - 8:50 PMI'm sorry to hear that. Most of my friends support what I do, and always have, though since I've been in graduate school for going on *10* years now I've become distant from some of my friends who don't understand my passion for knowledge in general and sociology in particular. Some of my friends have said things like "10 years? Wow! I can't imagine being there that long. What's taking so long?" They're well-meaning but not helpful.
The way I've explained this recently is that this is my work. It's what I do in life. I don't go up to my friends when they are at their jobs and say "hey, F$#@ your job, let's get drunk," so I don't put up with it from them. And it really is our work-- and we love it, and that's why we can keep motivated without a boss cracking the whip.
I don't know how old you are, but I"m 44. At this point in life most of my friends are more interested in their children's soccer team and their relationships. So it might get better as you get older. That might help, might not.
Anyway, keep it up.
John
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Re: is it just me....
Thu, September 27, 2007 - 9:26 AMNo, it's not just you.
While I don't get responses quite that crazy, I do get family and friends asking me when I'll finish "college," when I'm coming home for "summer vacation" and I've had people tell me that my research and teaching are "masturbatory" or "irrelevant."
I found it helpful to remind people that this is my CHOSEN career and life path. I also have a relatively rehearsed statement about the significance of college level teaching and the immediate relevance of Roman Imperial history and the modern concept of "western civilization" to the current political situation. My work makes me pretty happy for the most part, and most of my family & friends understand that, even if they don't get going to school for 8 years AFTER college.
It sounds like your friends don't understand what you do or why you're doing it, so perhaps explaining it from the career angle might help. The comments you quotes are downright rude. You should call them on it and tell them it hurts your feelings. If they can't understand the value of education or the value YOU place on education, they should at least value your happiness and life goals, and understand that your goals include graduate school and that it makes you happy - otherwise they sound like jerky friends.
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Re: is it just me....
Sat, October 6, 2007 - 9:03 AMMy friends think I am overachieving, because I just started in grad school after going back for a second bachelors and an associate's simeltaneously. I try to explain to them "I just like school" and the concept of didactic education, but they don't get it. You have to remember you're in this for YOU, not them, and even though they seem lukewarm, went you walk across the stage, they will be proud....
And then they ask you "what next"?
And then ya tell them "POST-DOC work!!" Hahahah!
Good luck!
SD
